Two years ago, the lovely Sheila Longo talked me into entering the first annual Miss Ugly Pageant held during Campus Preview Weekend (CPW) at East Campus. “You’d be awesome! You have to do it!” she said. Now, given that this is a pageant that rewards hideousness and a severe lack of talent, I wasn’t sure that was a compliment, but I entered anyway.
Borrowing a violin from a friend, I created some noise that didn’t even begin to qualify as music for the talent competition. I wore a rain slicker left over from CryoFAC for the swimsuit competition, complete with mascara on my leg hair. But it was my final statement in the interview portion, delivered with a thick Minnesotan accent, that got me a bonus -10 points.

I just wanted to let you all know that I’m bleeding pretty freely from my crotch here, and as of such, I got PMS pretty bad. If you don’t let me win, I’m gonna take it out on all the judges and the gosh darn rugby team.

Much to the surprise of the few people that actually find me attractive, I brought home the crown… er, trucker’s hat… that year as Miss Ugly 2003.
Last year, as the reigning Miss Ugly, I was asked back to emcee the show with the ugliest man I know, Mr. Amal Dorai. And now this weekend brings us the 2005 Miss Ugly competition, and I’ve been asked to perform a “talent” while the judges deliberate. And since I’m not doing anything better this Saturday afternoon, I’ve agreed.
I’m keeping my “talent” a secret until the day of the show, but it’s sure to be hideous.