Cardinals 5, Tigers 0


Cards lead series 2-1
It was poker night tonight, which means me and a crowd of guys who know significantly less about baseball than I do playing Texas Hold ‘Em with the World Series on in the background. (And on this night, I went home with $16 on a $5 buy-in — jcbarret would be so proud.) Being in Michigan, we’ve all adopted the Tigers as our team (for now) even though none of us are from here. Here’s some snippets of conversation…
Fox flashes Chris Carpenter’s home ERA of 1.41 on the screen
Guy 1: What does that mean?
Me: That the Tigers aren’t going to win.
Albert Pujols comes to bat in the 4th inning with runner on first.
Me: Man, this guy is scary.
Guy 2: Why?
Pujols hits a ground rule double.
Me: That’s why.
A few minutes later, Scott Rolen walks to load the bases with no outs.
Guy 3: This isn’t good, right?
Me: Nope.
After a ground out at home, Jim Edmonds lines a shot to right field.
Me: Well crap.
Guy 1 (looks up from his cards): Wait, what?
Me (points to television as Rolen and Pujols cross home plate): That.
Guy 3: I realize this would take a lot of work and stuff, but why don’t they just make all of the stadiums bigger so that they can allow aluminum bats?
Me (pause to figure out if he really asked what he just asked): Uh… because that would be stupid.
Guy 3: Why?
Guy 2: Yeah, the game would be more exciting that way.
Me: But some poor pitcher would get hit with a line drive going 200 MPH and be killed!
The game enters the seventh inning.
Guy 3: So is this game over?
Me: Never say never in baseball… although Carpenter’s still out there firing rockets, so the odds aren’t good.
Another Tiger wiffs at another pitch.
Guy 2: I think that was the third consecutive pitch over 100 MPH.
Me: Well, maybe it’s over.
The Cardinals score two more in the seventh on an ugly throwing error by Zumaya.
Me: Now it’s basically over.
Top of the 9th, two outs, two strikes on Craig Monroe.
Guy 2: Maybe the Tigers will come back.
(Me, Guy 1, and Guy 3 give him an incredulous look.)
Monroe grounds out to third to end the game.
Guy 2:… or maybe not.
Guy 3: Aren’t the Tigers supposed to be cleaning up against the Cardinals?
Me: What did I tell you during the ALCS? Don’t believe anything the pundits say — they’re wrong a lot. Particularly in this post-season.
Guy 3: Actually, I’m repeating what you said to me when the Tigers were playing the Yankees. You said that the American League was basically a lock to win the World Series.
Me: Oh… don’t listen to anything I say either.


2 responses

  1. Me (pause to figure out if he really asked what he just asked): Uh… because that would be stupid.

    best…line…ever. 🙂

  2. Actually, it’s not that you shouldn’t believe anything the pundits say, rather always disagree with them. Then, later, only bring up the times when you were right and they were wrong. Given that an “expert” generally bats about .550, unless it’s Bush, but then he’s no expert, you’ll appear to be right a whole lot of the time. And you’ll be the new “expert”.
    So now that St. Louis is “halfway to a WS win”, the pundits are pretty sure that it’s over. I don’t have a clue why, but let’s face it they may be right. The Tigers are one of the worst teams in the WS in a long time (the fact that St.Lou is as well doesn’t negate the argument).
    But I’ll predict a Tigers win based on two simple reasons. The luck of the Irish and the fact that Gunderson and Rodriguez can’t possibly go ohfortheseries. (But if it’s Nate Robertson in game seven, by which time the pundits will be back on the Tigger bandwagon, I’ll easily switch to the Cards.)